The BIG Question

What is it that I actually want, from within, for myself?
What after getting a good job, a decent salary,
A good car, good clothes, good apartment,
What is the next phase of life?

What is it that will actually make me yearn?
That one thing that will make me feel proud,
That one thing that will complete my existence,
That one thing for which I don’t give a second thought

At different times I want to do different things,
But the desire to do them fades away very easily,
I wonder is there something wrong with me?
I am scared of having an unknown death,
Unknown not to people, but to myself,

When I ask myself, if this is all I want,
The immediate answer, No definitely not,
Then what is it that I want,
The reply is, You need to find it out,
But how will I find out that one thing,
Will some angel sort of a thing come and whisper in my ears,
Or a bulb will flash in my head and boom I know it.

I am proud of what my grandfather and father achieved,
They struggled, they had a purpose in life,
Do I have any purpose, do I wish for anything?
CLUELESS. When will I ever find a clue?